Tribulations d'une lyonnaise à Vancouver

Samedi 7 janvier 2012 6 07 /01 /Jan /2012 02:12

- Par Hello Stéphanie

10 reasons NOT to do Hot Yoga

Like if you needed 10.

It could look as Sexy as that:

But most likely it will look like that:

1. It stinks.

No need to be Einstein to assume it will stink, but still, it has to be said. Imagine, 20-25 people in the same room, sweating like hell for NINETY (looong) minutes. That's a lot of water. And even though you are in Kitsilano, home of healthy-good looking people, some might had garlic at lunch, or too many beers the day before, who knows what they are exactly sweating out ... Maybe we don't want to know.
So, sweat. I don't speak about little drops running down your forehead. I speak Waterfalls. The worst part (besides sweating out garlic) is that once the class is over, there is about 15 minutes before another class starts... in the same room... Yep.

2. You need do wash your hair daily.
And if you have long thick hair like me, you might considere shaving your head just to avoid having to wash it all the time.

3. You need either to have lots of tiny yoga shirts or do laundry daily.
if sweat would be dry water, it would be SO more convenient. I don't wear tiny yoga shorts and I hate doing Laundry. Therefore, i quit Hot Yoga.

4. It's Stressful
If you thought (Bikram) Yoga was relaxing, you're completely wrong my friend. After 12 minutes of first class, i was ready to yell at the instructor: Shut the fuck UP. Please. Namaste.
Not only they speak NON STOP for 90 minutes, but they keep saying the SAME thing every SINGLE time you do the same posture. I mean, maybe i'm not good at memorizing things or listening sometimes, but i'm not THAT dumb. If you tell me one thing, most likely i will still remember it 2 minutes later. For the last month, i kept wondering HOW Yogi, people going there every single day, could handle it. I have no clue.

5. I'm not your ''friend''
But Not only ALL the instructors say the exact same thing, every single class, but they also won't spare all the Yoga crap such as:
''It hurt my soul'', ''You are what you do'' (WTF is that?!), ''You have to love yourself before loving others'' (Really?!)... Do I have to hear that when i'm just trying to reach my toes with my fingers or bend my back so much that i might fall? Do i need to listen to that while i'm sweating like a pig and thinking about the Pale Ale i'm gonna need after that ? I dunno...

So if you still want to try Bikram after that... read the following:

6. Nobody speaks.
Besides the instructor, who cracks a little joke once in a while (ha ha Ho ho), nobody speaks. Ever. Not before, not during, not after.

7. Nobody smiles.
Besides the instructor, who cracks a little joke once in a while, nobody smiles. Ever. Not before, not during, not after.

8. You need Yoga stuff (aka expensive stuff)

You don't only need a mat, but you need THE towel, not A towel. I have A towel, the same i use to go to the Beach in the summer, but i could notice people with really fancy towels. Mine was too large and too short (remind of someone by the way...). But these Yogi, they had THE perfect towel, just the same size as the mat. I wondered for 4 weeks where they had found this super-towel. I finally found out that it's a Yoga towel, with grip on one side, that your towel won't slide while you're doing the tree or the Cobra. Price of the magic towel : $60 + tax. Indeed.

9. Do you want une stroke?

I read today in the New York Times about all the back, neck, shoulders injuries happening because of over streching during Hot Yoga. No, you shouldn't be able to rotate your neck 90 degrees, unless you're a doll. And Barbie doesnt do Yoga.

10. What ?!

If you still need reasons, well, you are a lost cause. Or a real Vancouverite. Sorry about that. DO you want to speak like in this video?! Even though its a L.l.mon add, it's still very funny: Shit Yogis Say.

Namaste.

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Publié dans : Stéph au Sport - Exprime-toi/Express yourself - Voir les 4 commentaires

Mercredi 4 janvier 2012 3 04 /01 /Jan /2012 05:00

- Par Hello Stéphanie

Le jour ou j'ai visité Homeland Security

Alors bon j'ai fait ma maligne sur le Strip de vegas en talons, ma tasse Starbucks à la main et mes lunettes aviateur, mais ce que je n'ai pas raconté, c'est comment j'ai failli ne jamais passer la porte d'embarquement, aller directement en prison sans passer par la case Tribunal et rentrer directement chez moi le 25 décembre.

Quand je suis partie à Montréal, sans carte de résidente permanente (volée), j'avais du ressortir mon passeport, et avais remarqué que la photo se décollait. Bon. So?

La veille d'embarquer pour Las Vegas, toujours sans carte de résidente permanente bordel, j'ai donc pris tous les papiers auxquels je pouvais penser. Vu qu'on m'a tout volé ou presque, ça se limitait à : 2 cartes de crédit, un permis de conduire temporaire, une facture de ma Mutuelle, une photocopie de ma carte de RP, le doc officiel de l'immigration et euuhhhh mon passeport et sa photo décollée... sous laquelle j'ai eu la brillante idée de mettre un bout de scotch discret... mais bien sûr.

J'arrive aux services d'immigration-sécurité américaine, ou on demande pourquoi tu vas à Vegas, avec qui, à quelle heure tu vas faire caca, ou tu vas dormir, avec qui tu vas coucher, etc etc. Moi je fais ma petite blagounette, espérant détendre l'atmosphère (Pouuuuuuët) et ainsi, l'agent ne remarquerait pas le bout de schotch. Mais bien sûr...

*J'ai peur*

J'y ai cru. Il a ri à ma blague et là, il a dit: 'First, miss, i'm gonna have to send you through Homeland Security because of the shape of your passport''... ''Right... yeah, i realized it this morning before leaving *GROOOOS mensonge*''. J'ai donc dit au revoir à mon ami Valentin, et suis rentré en territoire inquiétant, ou ça ne rigole pas, DU TOUT.

J'y suis restée 25 minutes, pendant lesquelles Val a tout imaginé (prendre l'avion seul, tout ça), il a pleuré toutes les larmes de son corps. 25 minutes... Au bout de 5mn27, j'ai commencé à réaliser que ce ne serait pas gagné... Quand la dame a REccommencé à me poser les mêmes foutues questions, je me suis dit: Ouiiiiiinnnnnnnnn. Quand êtes-vous allée aux States la dernière fois déjà? (Genre elle ne le voit ni sur son écran, ni sur mon passeport, coooooonnasseuuuuu) (en plus bordel je passe la frontière 2-3 fois par an quand même, cette année, 4), VOus y êtes allée en voiture? Combien de temps? Quand déjà? Et ou? Vous faites quoi au Canada ? Ah? Vous faites quoi déjà au Canada?!

Bon le hic, c'était aussi que je n'avais pas vraiment d'autre ID... Après 20 minutes, elle est allée voir son chef avec toutes mes photocops, mes cartes de crédit, mon passeport toute pourrite, il a regardé et dit C'est bon.

''Good bye Miss, Have a safe trip, and replace your passport !''

On m'a raccompagnée et j'ai retrouvé Valentin, on s'est jetés dans les bras l'un de l'autre, on a pleuré, et on a surtout couru à la porte d'embarquement à Starbucks chercher un café et à la porte d'embarquement.

Non mais franchement ! Quand je pense que l'Américain avait oublié son passeport la dernière fois en venant à Van, et ils l'ont laissé passer !! (Encore heureux, je l'attendais mwa).

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Publié dans : Le Jour où... - Exprime-toi/Express yourself - Voir les 4 commentaires

Dimanche 1 janvier 2012 7 01 /01 /Jan /2012 02:13

- Par Hello Stéphanie

2011, What a year...

Alors apparemment, c'est le dernier soir de l'année.

What a year.

2010 s'était terminée en France, au lieu d'être au Yukon avec Davy Crockett. Tellement contente que l'année se termine et qu'une nouvelle commence. Et 2011 fut not so bad.

Dans le top 3 des bonnes choses:

1. Le tournoi de boxe et tout ce qui allait avec: Les 7 semaines d'entrainement avec le hard sparring avec les filles, l'amitié avec certaines depuis, l'investissement, et la récompense. Wow...

Quelles semaines ! Et surtout, le club est devenu ma deuxième famille.

2. Les voyages

Cette année fut encore riche en voyage. Pas mal pour le boulot, et puis avec la famille. BC, Québec ville et Montréal pour le boulot, Toronto (après 13 ans!) et retrouvailles avec de bons potes là-bas.

Et puis la virée dans l'état de Washington (Seattle et toute la route) jusqu'en Oregon, Portland, avec ma sister. QU'est-ce qu'on s'est marrées :)

Et quand même, le trip le plus dépaysant fut Vegas, baby. Non seulement il y avait un grand ciel bleu, une magnifique lumière et de gorgeous sunsets, mais c'était aussi super de partir, pour une fois, avec un ami.

3. Les rencontres...L'Américain...

2012 0023-copie-1

Le French kiss sous la pluie de Montréal, le dîner romantique à Bishop avec son bon Saint-Joseph, la virée snowboard à Whistler avec le même, le week-end romantique là-bas, et les bons sms échangés depuis. Et enfin les bonnes pensées en pensant à la prochaine fois... Ah pi tiens, dans son top 3 à lui, apparait en numéro 1 son dernier séjour à Van. Comme de par hasard.

Les bonnes résolutions pour 2012: Voyages voyages. Le road trip aux States je ferai.

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Publié dans : J'adOOOre - Exprime-toi/Express yourself - Voir les 3 commentaires

Vendredi 30 décembre 2011 5 30 /12 /Déc /2011 01:17

- Par Hello Stéphanie

10 things NOT to do in Las Vegas.

Here are the 10 mistakes you could do as a First timer in Vegas. I might have done some of them on the first couple of hours but learned quickly.

1. Buy your drinks.

2012 0231

You don't have to ! As soon as you start to gamble, even couple of bucks, you can get free drinks (avoid the wine though, and we had to ask light on alcohol, it was a bit too strong for us) . Of course, it might take a while before you get a chance to order, waitresses are busy, and by the time she takes your order, you will probably have lost your money. But still. Patience is rewarding.

After paying our first cocktail a fortune, we got it, and drank Appletinis, Corona (for early and late afternoon), wine, coke (for hangover and liver pain) and also Appletini and Appletini. For couple of bucks (tips). Loved it. My liver, not so much.

2. Smoke outside.

''Lets go inside for a smoke?!''

Why bother smoking outside when you're allowed to smoke inside by the machine slots ?! What can get better than Cocktail, friend, cigarette and games ?! My friend Val would always wait to be inside to smoke.

3. Going to Vegas with your boyfriend.

Few times, guys really checked me out. And when i would look who was on their right... the girl-friend !

4. To think Vegas is gonna be a Fashion show.

How many guys did i see wearing shorts and flip flops and girls wearing Juicy Couture pants and shapeless Uggs ?! Embarrassing. We saw people shopping at the Bellagio shopping mall (YSL, Oscar de la Renta, Louboutin, Chanel, Prada, Gucci, Stella Mac Cartney...) wearing horrible outfit. Come on !

5. Forget comfy shoes.

2012 0274

Big mistake: I only took with me nice shoes. With heels. Thats why i had to buy flip flops mid-afternoon on the second day, after crossing the Luxor casino barefeet, shoes in my hand. I was about to loose my toes that turned purple.

6. Go there with a male friend, especially if you were thinking of trying to pick someone up. They walk towards you and suddenly freeze. Well it was not a too bad thing after all.

7. Think you gonna get rich in Vegas.

That what i thought right at the airport. I was W.R.O.N.G

At the US customs at the airport, the officer asked me why i was going to vegas. I wanted to make a little joke (?!!) so i started to say: '' I'm going to Vegas to try to get....'' I was about to say ''married'', but realized that it was not such a great idea (visa, green card, staying illegaly in US...) so i said ''to get rich !''. The officer laughed and replied '' Well if you're planning to get rich in Vegas.... Good luck with that !!!''

He was right.

8. Think you gonna get married in Vegas

''what's your name, by the way?''

It only happens in the movies, or at the Bellagio. People are more into gambling, drinking, gambling and eating than getting into a ''relationship''. Evem my gay friend wouldn't want to marry me !

9. Think you don't need to see the world because you saw Vegas.

it's not because the Venitian Casino looks like Venise that you dont't need to travel abroad and check the real Italy out.

10. To go to Vegas with your family.

I don't know why, but we saw a LOT of families in Vegas. Considering Point 1, 2 and also all the ''business'' cards for Escort girls you can get in the street (the cards, not the girls)....

And then, you have a great time in Las Vegas.